Irreversible
by shialuvr222
Summary: Sequel to Whispers In The Dark. Abby tries to deal with the consequeces of Tony's actions as well as the loss of Tim, but she finds as she continues that the damage may be irreversible. Angsty. Major character death.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So, here it is. The not-so-long awaited and not-so-sought after sequel to Whispers In The Dark. I suppose you thought this would be inspired by a Skillet song, too, or perhaps even the same one. Nope. I drew my inspiration for this one from I Need A Doctor by Dr. Dre, Eminem and Skylar Grey. It's actually my second favorite song. Abby's POV here, and yes, it's slightly McAbby, because I'm a fan. A raving, screaming fan. Enjoy! And please review!

XXX

_I'm about to lose my mind  
><em>_You've been gone for so long  
><em>_I'm running out of time  
><em>_I need a doctor  
><em>_Call me a doctor  
><em>_I need a doctor, doctor  
><em>_To bring me back to life_

He was gone.

She knew the moment she saw him in Autopsy that nothing was going to be the same. It couldn't be.

_She_ wouldn't be the same.

He never said how he felt, but she knew. They had agreed when they broke up that it would be easier to forget. A few times he had come close to saying what they pretended not to know, but he had always stopped himself. He respected her.

Too much, it seemed. She used him, and he let her. She couldn't take it back now.

She couldn't tell him that she hadn't moved on, either.

Tony had been lucky at the funeral. He had left.

She hadn't been able to move.

She hadn't been able to breathe.

She hadn't been able to hear what Sarah had said about him, or see the effort so many had put into making his funeral beautiful. She hadn't smelled the flowers from people who didn't know him like she did.

All she had seen was his cold face, paler than usual. His father, struggling to stay composed.

It hadn't really hit her until the morning of the funeral that he was really gone. She had woken up long before her alarm sounded, lying there in the dark, and then she truly realized that he wasn't coming back. She had never been much of a crier, but she had sobbed into her pillow until someone had entered her apartment.

Normally she would have threatened whoever it was, but right then she didn't care. The figure entered quietly and enveloped her in a hug. After a few minutes of crying into her shoulder, she looked up at Ziva, who helped her up and got her ready.

So now she sat, unmoving, in her apartment, staring at the coffin that she and Tim had "more than slept" in. She should have told him. She should have enjoyed what she had when she had it.

But she couldn't get past the fact that what she'd had, had only been a ghost of what it could have been.

She should have remembered that nothing good ever lasts. In the end, everyone ends up alone.

She hated herself for using him. For hurting him. But she couldn't bring herself to hate him for letting her.

She couldn't hate him for leaving her.

He wasn't hers anymore. Hadn't been hers for years. She knew him well enough to realize, though, to know that, if he had the power to be here, he would be.

But he wasn't.

He was gone.

She watched with disinterest as Ziva exited her kitchen, carrying a plate of food that was set before her. On seeing no intention to eat it, Ziva sighed and put her hands on her hips.

"Do I have to feed it to you as well?"

Abby reluctantly began to eat. After she finished, Ziva laid her hand over Abby's.

"It will be alright, Abby. I know it may not seem like it right now, but everything will work out."

Abby didn't answer, but her eyes spoke volumes. The look Ziva saw there chilled her. She seemed so hopeless.

Abby knew what Ziva must be seeing on her face, but she didn't hide her expression. She would see right through it, anyway.

She was lost without him.

Ziva's phone rang, distracting her. She stepped away from the table and answered it. Abby watched as her form went from strong – a put-on emotion, she knew – to drained. She sagged against the wall, looking defeated. The pain in her eyes multiplied.

Something had happened. That much was obvious.

She returned to the table after flipping her phone shut, taking Abby's hand.

"Abby… I'm afraid something's happened at Tim's apartment."

XXX

A/N: Well? Yeah, I know… Not exactly light McAbby there. Did I lay it on too thick? You can tell me when you REVIEW.

P.S. In case you were wondering, my number one favorite song is What I've Done by Linkin Park ;)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So. Chapter Two. Voila. Please review!

P.S. I know, that was a lame A/N. Not much to say today.

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or any of the characters. They belong to Bellisario. If I did, as you might have guessed, Tim may be a little worse for wear XD I also don't own the song I Need A Doctor, it belongs to Dr. Dre, Eminem and Skylar Grey. All I did was draw inspiration from it. Somebody Told Me by The Killers is refernced in the A/N at the end of the chapter, and I don't own it either. All of the things I don't own that I just told you about are epic, but I sadly have no claim to them. I don't own anything! *gosh* Except this story… Anyway. This disclaimer is WAYYY too long. Moving on.

XXX

The car screeched to a halt in front of the Silver Springs apartment building. Ziva jumped out before the vehicle had finished moving, but Abby took her time. She was still in a daze.

Or that was the way Ziva interpreted the distant looks and short, delayed responses, anyway. The truth was that Abby already knew what the outcome had to be. As Ziva ran up to Tim's apartment to see for herself, Abby slowly exited the car. There were too many police cars, too big of a crowd, for Tony to still be alive.

The sun had disappeared from the D.C. skyline about a half hour before, but the air was filled with warm, clear air. Blue and red lights still flashed in the dimming light, though the sirens had long ago been turned off. Abby leaned against the car and waited.

After a few minutes, Ziva exited the building, looking pale and exhausted. As she watched, Gibbs approached Ziva and spoke to her for a moment. Then he pulled her into a hug, and Ziva buried her head in his shoulder. It looked like she was crying.

Abby felt like she'd been punched in the gut, but she couldn't say that she hadn't expected it.

All of a sudden, she couldn't stand to watch. She jumped in the car and took off, peeling out of the parking lot altogether too fast. She hoped Ziva found the solace she needed, but no one could comfort her.

She glanced up at the darkening sky. Storm clouds gathered on the horizon. _Of course it's going to rain,_ she thought glumly.

She drove around the city, not knowing where she was going until she got there. A small park about a five minute walk from NCIS. She and Tim used to take lunch breaks there together when they were dating, and continued to over the years. She found their bench and sat in her usual place.

It felt unnatural, sitting there alone. Tim was supposed to be next to her. They would talk about anything and everything; they could tell each other anything.

They would talk about everything except how they felt. That was buried and forgotten. Or supposed to be.

Now he was gone. Just as she began to tire of pretending.

This was wrong. He should have been hers, but he had been stolen away before she had a chance. Death had staked its claim on him.

And now on Tony, as well.

She probably shouldn't have sped out of there like she did. Ziva would have panicked, having lost Tim and now Tony, but Gibbs would have stopped her from calling. He would understand. In a couple of hours, he would go after her.

He would come straight here. He always knew where to find her.

She hesitated, and then lay on the bench, her head in the place Tim was supposed to be.

Tim was supposed to be there to help her handle Tony's suicide. He was supposed to always be there when she needed him, even though she didn't deserve it. He was supposed to hold her when she cried and tell her everything would be okay when it seemed like it would never be.

Instead, Tim wasn't here. She was alone.

XXX

A/N: I'm feeling random here. SOMEBODY TOLD ME THAT YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND WHO LOOKS LIKE A GIRLFRIEND THAT I HAD IN FEBRUARY OF LAST YEAR! Okay, random song over. (Somebody Told Me by The Killers)

What did you think? Please let me know :)

If you haven't heard it, you should really listen to I Need A Doctor. Like I said in the last chapter, it's the inspiration behind this story. WARNING: Don't listen to it if you don't like rap. It's by Dr. Dre with Eminem and Skylar Grey. ANOTHER WARNING: If strong language offends you, specify "clean version" when you look it up.

Stay excellent! (That's right. I'm bringing the phrase back. DEAL WITH IT. lol)


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